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These days, I am recovering from.. something that sucked.
I've wasted the past couple of months trying to make something
work when I knew from the start it wouldn't.
I think I've finally gotten over it, or am on my way. I realized that...
it wasn't me. That I'm not like that at all. It's a long story, and knowing it would help.
I've decided to concentrate on work more, because my grades suck. Even though I'm online right now, as I write this,
and it's late. But I've finished all... or most... of my homework. Ya ya, I'm working on it.
I hope that by the year's end, I'll be living in France. I don't especially want to go to schools there, because
I'm not very good at switching schools, or adapting to a new environment. But there's just too much here. I don't
really know what I mean by that, so don't look to me for an explanation. I'm just unhappy. I'm not crazy
unhappy, like people who cut themselves and all that shit. But I feel like I can't do anything here. That I don't
belong.
I've really fucked up. Changing schools was a mistake, and I wish I hadn't--even though I suppose I'm happier now
than I was before (school-wise, at least). And my friends are actually... my friends. I felt that my old 'friends'
didn't like me. Or that because they were all rich as hell and I'm not I wasn't good enough.
Then this summer was
a total shitbomb. Instead of going to France like I always do, I went to Oregon instead. Holy shit. If I
had the chance to take everything back that I did there, I would. Not only that one night. But everything.
I wish I hadn't left the house there. I grew accustomed to that town. I really, really like it there. It's
so cute and quaint--even though there are absolutely no malls, and god only knows how I'd survive that. My family even
thought of moving there, and I was all for it. But now, if we move there, I don't know what I'll do. Thankfully,
if we move, it'll be to France. Thank. God.
Anyways, I was getting off topic haha. Well, something else that I've been thinking about lately.
I had this really
screwed up relationship with this guy, Elliot. First year we went out, he was way popular woohoo for him. I don't
know why I dumped him. I honestly don't remember. We did talk about it later, though, and blamed it on rumors
that had been flying around. We went out again the next year, and I forget what happened. Then in 8th grade, we
went out AGAIN but I dumped him after 2 weeks, thinking that I didn't like him. We became really, really great friends
towards the end of the year--until he found out I liked his best friend. Whoa. Hah that was pretty bad.
I don't really know why he cared, because we weren't going out, so it wasn't THAT big of a deal. Once, he told me he'd
never stop liking me. I said the same thing back, and then I found out he was just saying that to hook up with me.
Are guys always like this? I forget who I found that out from, but I sure as hell hope they were lying. Everyone
thinks that Elliot is a loser (or everyone from my old school... people at IHS, his current school, think he's super duper
fabulous). Hell, even I thought he was. But I talked to him recently, and he's really nice. We used to talk
a lot while I was with this guy (from summer... ugh), and I think we became really close. I don't know. It seems
like it to me, at least. Then he got a girlfriend and we stopped talking. But since I just talked to him, I realized
that I still do like him. Or rather, I miss the times when we were going out. Those were the best years ever.
I mean sure, they're the ones I remember most vividly, but if you think about it, they were so much like a movie. I
just never realized it. I really want to talk to him again and tell him how I feel, but I can't because he's with someone.
It seems that everyone I ever liked is moving on, so why can't I? I can't stop bothering Caleb for some reason, even
though I never liked him. Hahhahaha man I'm such a retard. That guy from this summer, though? I made
certain that I'll never have to talk to him again. However, I'm going back to Oregon this summer ahhhhhhh I have to.
Hopefully, we won't have any run-ins.
Well, that's all for now. I'm sorry to bore u.
Muah :-*
Crashing Down
Sugarcult
I've got something up my sleeve that I don't want to show you
Cause
everytime I bleed I make a fool of me
I've got shakey little fingers, that hold on to your grip
You've got wrapped around
my world
So tight that I can't breathe
I'm suffocating
We come crashing down
Everytime we go this far
again
We come tumbling down
Everytime we go this far again
Everytime we go
I've got nothing that I hide
except for what's inside
I keep it all locked up, in this prison we call love
I'm suffocating
We come crashing
down
Everytime we go this far again
We come tumbling down
Everytime we go this far again
Everytime we go
Everytime
we go
Everytime we go
Everytime we go
Everytime we go
We come crashing down
Everytime we go this far
again
We come tumbling down
Everytime we go this far again
We come crashing down
We come tumbling down
We
come crashing down
Everytime we go this far again
Everytime we go
Everytime we go
Screaming Infidelities
Dashboard Confessionals
I'm missing your bed, I never sleep
Avoiding
the spots where we'd have to speak
& this bottle of beast is taking me home.
I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
You're not alone & you're not discreet.
Make sure I know who's
taking you home.
I'm reading your note over again.
Theres not a word that I comprehend,
except when you signed it
"I'll
love you always & forever"
Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder...
how you're making out.
But
as for me I wish that I was anywhere...
With anyone...
making out
I'm missing your laugh, how did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy
as your pretending
Im cuddling close to blanket and sheets
I am alone in my defeat
I wish I knew you were safely at home
I'm missing your bed, I never sleep.
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak.
And this bottle of Beast
is taking me home.
Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder...
how you're making out.
But
as for me I wish that I was anywhere...
With anyone...
making out
Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.
Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming
infidelities.
And taking its wear.
Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.
Your
hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.
Vindicated
Dashboard Confessional
Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught
my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated, I am
{Chorus}
Vindicated
I
am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am
cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear
Like the diamond in
your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered
me
So isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that I am
{Chorus}
So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part
them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too
deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away (3x)
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip
away (4x)
{Chorus}
My hope
dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
LFO
Summer Girls
Yeah...I like it when the girls stop by.. In the summer
Do you remember...Remember when we met..That summer
N.K.O.T.B. had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer
For the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch
I'd take her if I had one wish
But she's been gone since that summer..Since that summer
Hip Hop Marmalade sPIC AND sPAN
Met you one summer and it all began
You're the best girl that I ever did see
The great Larry BIRD JERSEY 33
When you take a sip you buzzlike a hornet
Billy Shakespere wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cuz I can't speak baby
Sumthin in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can't 4get you and it makes me mad
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone
Fell deep in love but now we ain't speakin
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
CHORUS
Cheery Pez cold crush rock star boogie
Used to hate school so I had to play hookie
Always been hip to the BBOY Style
Known to act wild and make a girl smile
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Reminds me of you becuz you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old
There was a good man named Paul REVERE
I feel much better baby when you're near
You love fun dip and cherry COKE
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
CHORUS
In the summertime girls got it goin on
Shake and wigle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike
Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks
My mind takes me back there oh so quick
Let you off the hook like my man MR. Lipit
Think about that summer and I bug cuz I miss it
Like the color purple macaroni and cheese
Ruby red slippers and a bunch oftrees
Call you up but whats the use
I like Kevin Bacon but I hate Footloose
Came in the door said it before
I think I'm over you but I'm really not sure
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
CHORUS
In the summer girls come and summer girls go
Some are worth while and some are so so
Summer girls come and summer girls go
Some are worth while and some are so so
Summertime girls got it goin on
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike
CHORUS
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